---Did you ever LOVE someone who didn’t LOVE you back? Did you ever have a crush on someone who didn’t feel the same way about you? This is hardcore rejection as far as I can see AND you will, probably, spend some time in the dumper because of it.
---At those times it can feel like you were kicked in the pit of the stomach…and you can’t see anyway out. It is very difficult to do anything else. This consumes, basically, every bit of attention you can muster. You spend a lot of time on different ways that you should have handled things. You spend much time living in the ‘if…only’s.’ ---This is important to remember at those times. You WILL feel better, even, though, you CAN’T see it. It doesn’t seem like you will ever pullout of this one. As many of us know…that this won’t last forever. When you get back into the flow of things, everything will be better…EVENTUALLY! ---I’d like to say here that many of us are in that boat (staff and resident, alike,) we just aren’t aware of that fact. We have this thing called our potential, and if you are like many of us, you aren’t quite living up to it. You are unrequited in that sense. So, then you will probably say, if I don’t know what that is, it can’t hurt ME. ---I think there is a restless part of ourselves that is well aware of how we’re doing in terms of our capabilities. As the old saying goes…you CAN’T fool mother nature. If you are fulfilling what your purpose is and doing what is on target for you, that is reflected in how you feel about what you’re doing. The questions that arise are not ‘what should I be doing?’ but, more like, ‘I wonder if this is the BEST way to do what I’m doing?’ You'll be fine tuning andtweaking INSTEAD of being stuck on the major questions all-the-time. ---That is why I see self-acceptance to be so important. If everything that you do has the feel of I don’t feel I’m good enough to do it, everything that you do will reflect that. You will be asking that question ad nauseam - am I doing what I’m suppose to be doing? OR, better yet…am I suppose to be who I am? With self-acceptance…that question will have already been answered. The doubt that you will labor under without self-acceptance will negatively affect the quality of ALL you produce. Be Well.
---It seems there will soon be software using the phone, earpieces, apps, etc., that will be able to translate using audible audio that can be easily used. This seems to be very good news and vital in a hospital. It should cut down on the frustration immensely. ---We have a diversity of people who speak different languages in LHH. How much smoother will each meeting go if we have these earpieces available and ready to go. I am NOT advocating which system may be better, but what I do find exciting is that they should be up and running in the near future. ---The above video is only an example.
As a personal coach, I use pointed and thoughtful questions to help my clients gain more clarity about themselves and to help me better understand my clients and their goals.
I generally ask open-ended questions that can't be answered with a simple “yes” or “no” so that the client is encouraged to dig deeper and uncover answers they may not have realized previously. Often after I ask a question, a client will say, “I've never thought about that before.”
Once they ponder the question and their feelings about it, it can lead to a profound insight or an “ah ha'' moment. Even in social or casual settings, asking the right questions can stimulate deeper and more interesting discourse. It can set the stage for discovering common interests, developing a more authentic connection, and fostering mutual empathy and understanding. There is an art to asking good questions. No one wants to feel as though they're in a job interview or being grilled for information. A big part of asking questions is listening mindfully to the reply in order to hear beyond the words spoken.
Mindful listening requires watching body language, hearing tone of voice, and being sensitive to what is left unspoken. It also requires asking thoughtful follow-up questions or making reflective or supportive statements. By learning to ask good questions and taking the time and interest to listen mindfully, you are setting the stage for more intimate, fulfilling, and enjoyable relationships. QUESTIONING MY ELDERLY PARENTs
We care for our parents every day, in the most intimate of ways. But how well do we really know them? Our parents are the most familiar people in the world but also, sometimes, the most mysterious. Who are they as a person? What were they like when they were growing up? What experiences most impacted their lives? What were their hopes and dreams and regrets?
As adults, so many of us don't ask enough about our parents. Yet there's no better way to become closer to a person, even if you've known her all your life. AgingCare.com has gathered a list of questions that our elder care experts and editors would most like to ask their own parents. Try them out for yourself. You might gain a new perspective on your parents and learn something new about yourself.
I wanted my student to know that adding value to someone else wasn't something you simply talked about, thought about, or even wrote about – it is something you do. The idea of adding value is basically helping another person to feel valued, to live out of this sense of being valued, and to be able to pass this sense on to someone else.
---I feel that it is very important to express one self. I, also, am aware that it is very fashionable right now to say and do this. I think many of the maladies facing our patients, whether in the hospital or not, stem from a lack of someone encouraging many of the resident/patients properly and at proper times. They never learned OR were never helped to open up and feel the freedom of acceptance and all that goes with that. Instead...many have lived a life alone and isolated never really experiencing life with a semblance of freedom beyond how they measure up to others. They have never felt what it is like to be themselves. Many have only learned to compete and compare themselves to others, failing to make the grade time-after-time.
---My vision is NOT an overnight change where everything is suddenly fixed. It is more one of starting the ball rolling to change the direction from a negative to a positive. Many who have this need are asked the correct questions to spur them on to jump the next hurdle or to cross the next bridge. They realize that there is a joy to be had from increasing ones self-knowledge and how to just slow things down to find his/hers own pace...does wonders. With this insight it is then realized that living a life as a player in the game far outweighs the opposite. I don't expect failure to stop rearing it's head, but one learns that it is just a part of living and now is much, more okay with it. He/she is making progress in the final outcome and improving his happiness in the process. Be Well.
This is a very probing and enlightening question. Everyone has fears, and our fears reveal our vulnerabilities and pain. When someone shares this with you, you must respond with care, kindness, and trustworthiness. You must treat their fears with dignity so they feel safe connecting with you on this more intimate level.
17. What feels like love to you?
Everyone has their own “love language” — the words, behaviors, and attitudes that make them feel loved and that reveal how they express love. This is a great question to ask your spouse, romantic partner, or a potential romantic partner.
18. What is your strongest personal quality?
Most people feel uncomfortable with this question at first because they want to appear modest. But truly we all want to feel validated about our positive qualities and have others recognize this about us. People will usually follow up by asking this question of you, and it creates a positive feeling and bond between you.
19. What was your most embarrassing moment?
This is a fun question that can lead to laughter and connection. Most people enjoy telling funny stories about themselves if there isn't shame or guilt involved. Occasionally someone will reveal something painful or shameful, and this is the time to show empathy and caring.
20. If you were president, what is the first thing you would do?
You can learn a lot about someone's political beliefs, ideals, worries, and values when you ask this question. If you want to connect and invite open discussion, just be sure you don't challenge or put down the response you get if it happens to be different from what you would do.
McMillan from LUCKY DOG RANCH was
looking for a dog to train into a service animal. According to
Brandon, ''it takes that special dog who is able grasp the
seriousness of the position.'' The West Los Angeles kennel had a dog
that may fill the bill. Brandon met the dog. He had good feelings that
this may be the dog, almost immediately. He then named the Black Lab,
was medically discharged from the Navy, due to his diabetes. His wife
is a nurse who works at the VA Hospital. She was promoted to a new
position that changed her hours. She may not be able to perform the
duties that TANK was to be assigned. It seems that Dave is a very
sound sleeper and tends to sleep through those times when his numbers
drop to unsafe levels. His wife had been able to wake him to assist
in administering treatment. With the new job, she may not always be
contacted Brandon and asked if a dog could be trained so that,
through changes of smell, could be alerted and wake someone difficult
to awaken. The plan was, if at all possible, the dog would wake Dave
so he could treat himself. Dave was very afraid of not waking at all
to care for his young children who needed him. A tall order. Through
research, Brandon found that this scenario was, indeed, possible.
make a long story – short, Brandon McMillan trained TANK to do so.
A real success, so far. Be
The story of how someone landed in a particular profession opens the door to learning a lot about a person and their motivations, interests, education, and ambitions. We spend most of our days working, so the answer to this question also reveals how a person chooses to define their lives.
12. How do you spend your free time?
This is a great follow-up question to the previous question. It rounds out the picture of how this person has created his or her life and what hobbies, interests, and obligations they have created for themselves.
13. If you won the lottery, what would you do?
This is a fun question that reveals so much about a person and their attitudes about money, work, and life passion. Would they leave their job? Buy their dream home? Do something altruistic? Would they be happy about having a lot of money or want to avoid it?
14. Who do you most admire in life?
This is a great question to learn more about the kind of person someone wants to emulate. We admire people whose actions and character reflect what we want in ourselves. This will tell you a lot about the true character of a person.
15. What are your top three favorite books and why?
Sharing favorite books opens the door for interesting conversation and finding common ground between you. It gives you and the other person a chance to learn something new and potentially to understand a new perspective or interest you haven't pursued.
6. If you could travel anywhere, where would you go and why?
This question not only allows you to discuss and share travel experiences, but also it affords insights into the other person's interests, personality, and sense of adventure.
7. If you could only keep five possessions, what would they be?
This question really makes people think. We are so attached to our possessions, but truthfully there are only a few that matter deeply to us. When people are forced to define those few, it gives insight into what they value most.
8. What teacher in school made the most impact on you and why?
Teachers can play a pivotal role in helping us develop a love of learning, discover our life passions, and draw out our innate skills. Sometimes they are people who inspire us or who simply believe in us and want the best for us.
9. What do you want your tombstone to say?
Although this is a morbid question, it does go right to the heart of what we want for ourselves. At the end of our lives, how do we want to be remembered and what legacy do we want to leave?
10. What was one of your most defining moments in life?
This is a great question to invite sharing on a deeper and more vulnerable level. Often defining moments come during profound life transitions like death, divorce, job loss, etc. It is during these times we are called to make a huge mental, physical, or emotional shift.
of the more difficult things that I find to do is to, sometimes,
break the ice. I’m sure my own shyness plays right into it. I’ve
done some research and found these questions to get things started at
those times I can’t think of what to say. I notice that there is an
quality to these questions that leaves
plenty of room to expand and continue as one sees fit. Good luck with
them if you try them. Remember that the purpose is to get to know
someone and to learn more about his/her life!
What is your best childhood memory? This
question always makes people smile and often leads to a humorous or
poignant exchange about family, travel, holidays and traditions, hopes
and dreams, and friendship. You learn a lot about someone when they
share aspects of their childhood.
If you had a chance for a ‘’do-over’’ in life, what would you
question gives insight into a person's state of mind about who they
are, their vulnerabilities, and their hopes and dreams. Often sharing
regrets or unmet desires opens doors to considering new possibilities
or the confidence to make needed change.
How did the two of you meet?
is a great question to ask a couple. Or, you can ask when did you get interested in 'such+such.' Quite often sharing the story draws them together in a mutual happy memory, or just provides a happy memory. It gives
them a reason to reconnect and allows you to learn more about their
past and how they interact together as a couple, or why this certain thing is his/her hobby?
What do you feel most proud of?
question makes people feel you are really interested in them and who
they are. Everyone wants to feel accomplished and proud, and we all
want an opportunity to share our successes without looking like a
braggart. The answers give you great insight into what the person
values most in life.
What is your favorite music?
music we enjoy helps define us and reflects the dreams and
attitudes of our generation. What we listen to reflects what speaks
to our souls. It reveals who we are and what we believe — in an
illuminating and honest way that's often hard to put into words.
---Under the LEAN management technique developed by Toyota we are asked to add value and minimize waste. We have to first and foremost be sure that we VALUE the customer we have. If we are to apply the LEAN management technique to the hospital, we have to be sure we VALUE the resident/patient to begin the process.
---This may NOT be as easy as it seems because I really feel that this has been the problem all along. We really don’t value the resident/patient. Before anyone gets bent out of shape and finds that statement completely outrageous...let’s take a good look at this.
---Often the resident/patient sees himself as having little value. It has been something handed to him by his/her parents or guardians who were unable to encourage him/her properly. They, themselves, were victimized and mishandled by well-meaning folks who really had NO CLUE how to do this either. Since the dawn of time, we (this includes me, also) have been a bunch of clueless people NOT knowing how to value one another. Many are in this same boat...staff and resident, alike (as well as many in the population.) Even though we may want to, it is difficult to assign who is at fault and should be blamed for all this. That is why blame does not get us anywhere in the long run. Instead of looking for someone to blame, we'd do much better working on the remedy.
---Another thing that the resident/patient does (sometimes knowingly, sometimes unknowingly) is he/she defies being liked, loved or accepted by being unlikable, unlovable or unacceptable. Through a contrariness, he becomes exactly what you don’t like so as to challenge you or to prove a point, etc. At least he/she is getting some attention (and this may be more than he has ever gotten for anything else he has ever tried in his entire life.) Being a resident/patient finds that some find satisfaction in playing and being the/a lost cause. They would rather suffer for their rightness that to give in and join. I, myself, have spent some time in this boat in my younger days. ‘’Being TOO complicated for anyone to figure out.’’ When real acceptance enters the mix, that's when we find things changing.
---This is what works for me now, and maybe the saving grace in the whole thing. It is in knowing that this statement is true - ‘’We ALL have VALUE but ALL DON’T REALIZE THIS, YET.’’ This statement is as true for you as it is for me. And it is true for everyone you meet or never meet. It is in knowing that the truth is ‘’there are NO accidents,’’ or ‘’there are NO mistakes. The universe doesn’t make junk or there really is NO litter, all is recyclable...eventually.'’ My struggles to accept my left-hand taught me much of this. Perspective makes ALL the difference.
---We ALL have realizations of this VALUE in varying amounts and it behooves us ALL to help to identify this in each other. When we appreciate anything or anyone, we do this. Remember: we are ALL in this together!
---We see that we give value to things when we value them. Just as we give love to things we love. A fact that is NOT to be taken lightly. This goes for appreciation, acceptance, understanding, etc., too. Be Well.
---I know that it doesn't exactly mean this, but I couldn't resist!
---An addiction term that means one has lost most of what he has. And, he is, probably, using more of the substance that he has gotten him/herself addicted to. And, there is a good chance that the addiction will probably cause his/her death. It is the epitome of a ‘damned if you do and damned if you don’t’ situation. One is nearing the point of either cleaning up the act or cashing it in. Something, usually, has to be done at this point.
---A Rock Bottom that I relate to is the one where one realizes that one is helpless to make any positive gain to the dilemma that one is involved with. And, one is well aware that pursuing the avenue one is on just makes things worse. All one can do is to either increase the amount of addictive substance to further pursue the elusory idea that using more of the substance will bring relief while in all actuality it is working to make things more unbearable. Or, one can finally admit one needs help. When this choice is presented, let's hope that he chooses to get help. (We ALL need help, at times. Why we have made such a problem out of making mistakes and asking for help, I do NOT know. Do we try to fool others into thinking we're perfect? Are we so fragile that if we are seen imperfect - we can't stand it?)
---This is Terry Becker Story all over again. In the story, Terry was ready to cash it in. A bedsore she had got so out of hand that it would have been deadly. It needed attention. Over time and with the treating of the condition right, the healing takes place. Because of the way the universe is setup, the viriditas works and wounds/cuts will heal if allowed. The choice to work with the healing instead of her living life making things worse and opposing the healing has made a big difference. Improvements are made and the problem is lessening. Things increasingly get better. Reaching a ROCK BOTTOM has turned a tide. ---Rock Bottom is usually the condition where choice has become very limited if it exists at all. There is very little foundation as one is spiraling and one is just usually hunting for the substance of his addiction to deal with the way his life has become. Ones life has come down to a certain hellishness that provides only short-term relief when a now much larger amount of the substance is needed, and...is scored. The substance runs his life and since one has burned most of the legal means to acquire money, out-and-out stealing has now become something new that he does. He is getting closer to living in ROCK BOTTOM and is beginning to realize that the shred of denial he is holding onto won't sustain his behavior any longer.
---One has hit ROCK BOTTOM. We have now made the decision NOT to ANYMORE go along the route that only brings grief. One admits that he is helpless to the substance that he is using. Though the path is not always easy, it may get downright difficult. But, it pays dividends - eventually. You may have some really bad times in this and feel you can’t make it…but YOU CAN. One needs a better, more positive way of seeing the self. One begins to realize that he/she is good enough and can make it. Staying true to this newness is important + staying clean is especially important. These can be crucial times. Get HELP if it is needed. At present there is plenty of it. (The strange thing to all-of-this is that after all-is-said-and-done...now one can truly rebuild. It is a process, but could be one of the most real adventures that one has ever been on. Life has now taken on a new quality. A part of you that was unconscious has now burned away. One has a first-hand knowledge of if things don't kill you, they can serve to make you stronger.) Be Well.
Brandon McMillan - Lucky Dog Ranch The celebrity dog trainer and Emmy-winning star of the CBS show Lucky Dog shares his training system to transform any dog - from spoiled purebred puppy to shelter-shocked rescue - into a model companion in just seven days.
Each week on Lucky Dog, Brandon McMillan rescues an untrained, unwanted, "unadoptable" shelter dog. In the days that follow, the dog undergoes a miraculous transformation as it learns to trust McMillan, master his 7 Common Commands, and overcome its behavior problems - ultimately becoming a well-mannered pet or even a service dog. With his labor of love complete, McMillan unites each dog with a forever family. Now, in his first book, McMillan shares the knowledge he has gained working with thousands of dogs of every breed and personality to help listeners turn their own pets into well-trained Lucky Dog graduates. ---The STORY of GROOT!
Lucky Dog Lessons begins with the basics - building trust, establishing focus and control, and mastering training techniques. From there McMillan explains his playful, careful, and kind approach to training the 7 Common Commands he teaches every dog: sit, stay, down, come, off, heel, and no.
---7 COMMON COMMANDs
Next McMillan provides solutions to common canine behavior problems, including house training issues, door dashing, chewing, barking, and mealtime misbehaviors. Lucky Dog Lessons includes easy-to-follow steps, illustrative examples, and tried-and-true tips and tricks to demonstrate each technique. Throughout the book McMillan shares inspiring stories about his favorite students and gives fans a behind-the-scenes look at the show. Brandon McMillan believes that no dog is beyond saving, and the loving, positive, successful methods he offers will work wonders with even the most challenging dog. Create the happy pet family you want with Lucky Dog Lessons. ---I watch this show almost every Saturday morning. Brandon has me convinced that most dogs (as well as people) are able to learn a copacetic behavior that works for both the owner and the dog. If no actual damage exists to the brain, pretty much all are teachable. Positive reinforcement can work wonders if one has a handle on what he is doing. The teacher must know his subject and be aware of how to work with his present student. Be Well!
---I believe that most things are teachable...if done correctly!