TALKING TO A VOLUNTEER!

ARGUMENT

---And, then she stated that she likes the way they argue. I immediately asked what she meant by that. She saId that most of the guys she had known had blown up and got very defensive every time she started to speak her truth and explain the way she saw the relationship. They would tell her directly how wrong she was. She said that they did not physically retaliate HOWEVER...it was nevertheless ''very painful.'' She prefers the way her and her new boyfriend...disagree! They discuss. They don't argue. There is NO YELLING. It's much better...AND more productive.

---I told her that this is the vision I have of many of the people here at the hospital. Residents and Staff, alike. This is also why I believe that PEOPLE, in general, FEEL LIKE THEY ARE NOT GOOD ENOUGH! AND, it is at EPIDEMIC PROPORTIONs. Many people get such negative feedback when they express their truth and how they see things. They are told that it sounds stupid or even worse. Sometimes they are told they are stupid or even worse. Folks are held in check by one another and NOT encouraged to truthfully express how they feel. Someone doesn’t like it and it stops the process right away. Usually by yelling or an expletive or some sort of way. Most people seem to be in a semi-constipated holding pattern needing to express how they really feel.

---One can easily see that many folks at the hospital have never properly learned to express themselves. They start yelling right away as I'm sure they were taught. Defensiveness seems to run the show. To me...I think that it is very important to learn to express yourself. BUT, it is, also, important to know the way that you feel about things so, you know what to express. Otherwise, it will just be noise!

---Whether the relationship is ideal or not, it sounds that the arguing is on a better level than when it was all about the fear of speaking the truth.  As we have mentioned, trial and error is how we learn. We hone how we feel by whittling away at the truth. When we are afraid to speak our mind at the beginning...there seems to be an error right out of the gate.

---You can learn that it is possible to express your feelings without name calling, screaming and swearing. This just happens to be the way that many think that it is supposed to be. A Discussion to many folks is another word for Argument, because that is what they know. It doesn’t necessarily have to be the case. There are other, more civil ways, to talk things over that allows both sides to express how they feel about the issue. It isn’t always a case of the most forceful who wins the argument. BRAWN OVER BRAIN! Usually, the winner is the one whose argument makes the most sense. But how about when both sides express their feelings (a constipated situation is avoided) and a compromise is reached meeting the needs of all parties. ALL PARTIES ARE HAPPY! Now…that sounds good. Be Well.